Monday, September 05, 2005

The Global War on Weather

According to Red Square at The People’s Cube, the response to the recent catastrophe in New Orleans is strengthening: America Strikes Back At The Environment.
As Americans are trying to come to grips with nature's attack on the Gulf Coast, reports are growing about an increased level of hate crimes against environment in US cities and rural areas. In Georgia, a man was arrested for screaming environmental slurs at the passing clouds and threatening them with a shotgun, while in other areas local residents were seen "accidentally" ramming trees, rocks, and flowery hedges with their cars, trucks, and SUVs. No warm fuzzy feelings remain towards the environment in the states of Mississippi and Louisiana. A couple driving a car with a bumper sticker that said "Nature Lovers" were dragged out of the vehicle and beaten with sticks by a gang of angry neighbors. Instead, offensive bumper stickers saying "Mother Nature is a Big Fat Whore" are flying off the shelves in the states most affected by the hurricane. (...)

Progressive news media have come up with a series of articles asking the same question, "Why do clouds hate us?" Already the spelling of the word "hurricane" in the New York Times and other leading media has been replaced with a more sensitive Spanish term "huracán," and some pundits have switched to a less judgmental term "draft" The word "cumulous" has quickly become derogatory and is also being ubiquitously replaced with such euphemisms as "cute" and "puffy."

President Bush has spoken to the nation from the rooftop of a flooded Seven Eleven in downtown New Orleans yesterday, vowing a swift and decisive response towards the environment. "We are up against ruthless weather systems that wish us harm," the President said. "But we are going to hunt them down and strike them at their bases. Make no mistake, and I want to be absolutely clear about it - this is not a war against all environment. We are not fighting animals and forest, just the weather." (...)

The new Republican initiative is met with vehement protests from grass root groups bankrolled by George Soros, claiming that declaring martial law in Louisiana infringes upon the rights of the looters to freely loot, as they represent oppressed classes who have a moral right to get back at society.

Mother of All Protesters Cindy Sheehan sided with Mother Nature at Meet the Press yesterday, where she endorsed Hurricane Katrina as Mother Nature's way to liberate itself from the oppression of American imperialism. "A grieving mother myself, I understand Mother Nature's rage against America and George Bush in particular. I did not give Bush my permission to protect America from diddly-squat! I am outraged that he is sending our kids to fight an immoral war against nature in Louisiana. Our children were not raised to fight the Neocon war for Israel in New Orleans."
In other news, Jane Fonda and George Galloway's Anti-War Bus Tour is said to be diverted to Louisiana in order to protest the illegal use of US troops in flooded areas.

Please don’t mistake this morbid humor as callousness on my part. I just think a little levity would be a nice reprieve from all of the depressing news that has predominated this past week.

Hat Tip: John Galt (I’ll bet you can’t guess his world-view)