Layman vs. Philosopher

The following bit of foolishness was brought to my attention by the HWIC: A Non-Philosopher’s Guide to Philosophical Terms

utilitarian
Layman’s definition: almost precisely cubical and made of concrete, probably a multi-storey car park

Philosopher’s definition: one who believes that the morally right action is the one with the best consequences, so far as the distribution of happiness is concerned; a creature generally believed to be endowed with the propensity to ignore their own drowning children in order to push buttons which will cause mild sexual gratification in a warehouse full of rabbits

Locke
Layman’s definition: thatte whyche prevents rogues and arrant knaves from burgling Ye Olde English Tea Shoppe

Philosopher’s definition: a dead philosopher of politics, language and mind

classical
Layman’s definition: Helen of Troy, Beethoven, Corinthian architecture and similar things

Philosopher’s definition: a stodgy, old-fashioned logic which produces wildly implausible results: for example, according to classical logic, no proposition is both true and false